body & insecurities

People are subconsciously pushed into looking like / or presenting themselves as a certain perfect figurine...And that figurine is somewhat already established... I feel everyone has been a victim of envying men & women in magazines, televisions, and phones because, for some reason, that felt acceptable and beautiful to us. But why do we hate it when it comes back to our bodies? The reasons are so much deeper than someone to pinpoint & explain; there are good reasons and bad reasons – they may not be correct, they may be horrific and mean and based on decades of well-funded sexism and fatphobia,...but they were taught to us while we were very young. 

We cannot turn around without being exposed to depictions of very thin, tall, "flawless," often highly sexualized women & men. And due to the very fact that beauty is often related to people having "Perfect" bodies, we end up questioning our own; we even take it a step further and point out the parts of us that we feel are "flawed" and that only cuts into our sense of self. I remember watching myself grow into my body and hating every inch of it….to have asymmetrical breasts that spill forward thighs that touch each other, and a stomach that's fat very wrong to me….My abject failure to accept myself, love my body and celebrate it compounds the shame I feel for not achieving perfection in the first place. And it's just not enough to passively not give a shit cause what about the days when I can't even look into the mirror ?... If loving oneself is taken as a job, what about those days when we cannot love ourselves ?!

(Holy fucking shit, I hate my body...but self-love is a journey, so there's that)