Coping with grief & loss

Everyone & Everything dies. The tree that you see right outside your door will die someday, the bird that's flying in the sky will no longer be in the sky one day, the snail that's moving on the ground will no longer be there one day, and we, we humans are as certain to die like Everything else in the world. Some die because they choose to do so, and some die because their body is reaching the end of its life. But grieving and mourning are different for everyone.

I'm not someone who intensely mourns over the death of people around me cause I understand death is inevitable, and there's not a power in the universe that can stop it; in addition, I'm never comfortable showing my emotions to others... It's tough losing someone close to us & it's tough having to move on with the realization of their absence...I often deal with my emotions by acknowledging the pain and understanding that there is no "normal" timetable for grieving. At one point, I used to feel nothing for people who died around me cause it felt very natural to me; I knew I was sad about the death but couldn't process the emotions, so I felt different than others and constantly questioned my feelings.

Nonetheless, it's been a few days since I've been having intense thoughts about people who have died around me, and I've started feeling very guilty about not having spent enough time with them... it's like, I feel more comfortable with my emotions involving them now than ever... But someone who I miss the most these days is Aama…She was an adorable and kind woman. I never had the best relationship with her, but it was never bad. I still remember some stories she used to tell me; I remember her face, her smile, her wrinkled hand, and how delicately she used to make wicks; I remember how she used to sunbathe even on the hottest summer days and how she used to have a small jar of salt right beside her bed.

And now, I feel bad for not having spent enough time with her; I feel like I should have been there for her; I wish I didn't distance myself from her...I wish I could change things, but I just can't.

Contractory to the truth, Just because one dies with hope/s in their head doesn't mean that people who die with question/s in their head are inferior. Having meaning with hope and having meaning with questions will not change the result, no matter how much one claims to know ((But again, how would I know I'm still alive, aren't I?)). Both could have heads full of knowledge that have led them to their prospective conclusions. 

One problem with having existential thoughts and fears is that society makes it out to be something unnatural or something you shouldn't be thinking or concerning yourself with. A lot of dread stems from that rather than the thing causing the dread itself. It cripples you from processing it.

Getting over someone you have known most of your life is hectic & tiring. It's a very time-consuming process that completely drains you. Heck, it's natural to be scared of yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. It's okay, It might take weeks or months, but you'll grow out of it. I'm sure many of us have had a dreadful fear of darkness, maybe the ones under your bed. It takes a while to think, react and grow, but we inevitably rise from the concern themselves. But imagine if we tried to work around our fear of darkness instead of facing it and growing out of it during childhood. Our lives would have been entirely different if we had looked at the grief that way. But realistically speaking, there's not much we can do, and griefing would require the same amount of time as falling in love with the person we are grieving for would take.