Falling in love

I remember when I was a kid, I used to have this idea about love that it was so profound & so pure. Even now, I'm not sure what it means, but it has done incredible things to me and honestly made me a better person. It's so hard describing the very thing I experience & feel every fucking day. My interpretation of love is so simple; I believe it to be an emotion that gives you immense comfort and joy.

Although love has its variations be it romantic, platonic, or parental, I think each & every one of them is equally important. But "young love" it's incredibly flustering. When two young people with big dreams & ambition fall in love, the days suddenly start being more blissful & fun.

Ever since I met him, I've had this voice inside me that tells me I don't deserve to fall in love with someone so perfect cause I'm nothing like him; maybe it's my nativity that puts me in a position where I feel so insecure about the fact that someone else can love me the way I do them without having any expectations on me.

My experiences in the past made me feel love was violent, forceful & manipulative. But being treated precisely the opposite was so confusing to me; I used to think, "why is this person respecting my boundaries? Why does this person think that my opinions are important? Why does this person not force me into things.?" And it was a humbling experience to uncover all the trauma I'd been through. I found it amusing how he efficiently carried my burden & made me feel secure enough to be vulnerable around him. 

December 6, 2020, was the first time we met in person. I was very nervous and scared. After seeing each other, we went for a walk where we smoked and talked a lot, and my nervousness gradually faded. We spent the entire day going to different cafes drinking tea and eating snacks. And during the afternoon of the same day, we went to a jewelry shop where I got my ears pierced, which resulted in us holding each other's hand, which felt alleviating. Then we went for a walk again, except this time, we held each other's hands and were playful.

After coming home, I couldn't stop thinking about him, us holding hands and being flirtatious with one another. It was such a wonderful day, and it made me so happy to share these cute little moments with a stranger I got to know from Twitter.

Days, weeks, and months passed by, and we met with one another every time we got to. And one day, it finally hit me; it felt like waves of emotions washed over me while I stood still on the shore of my tiny little beach, where waves represented "love," and I was slowly drowning in it…I was falling in love!