Poems for Rakesh !

For a very long time, I debated putting these poems up on my blog, I wrote them about a guy who was my favourite person when I was 17 years old. For anonymity let's call him Rakesh, Rakesh was a leading activist, an actor, a writer, a film director and so much more. He to the world was a Marxist who was steeping his foot into mainstream politics and to me he was everything a man shouldn’t be.

When I reflect back on time I feel as if my 17-year-old self didn’t realize the majority of what I felt was mere infatuation and everything that he made me do was both ethically and morally wrong. All that I feel when I think about him now is this burning pit of disgust that penetrates my stomach every passing hour.

To further contextualize these poems try as hard as you can as the reader to picture energetically cheerful extrovert Dipta falling for someone they met in one of the first protests of their life and them being utterly disappointed to find out the kind of                                                                  man he was in the end.

POEM 1

I often think about "us" you and me holding our hands together and such

We were seated on the last bench, passing notes losing our sense of touch

It was almost like a daydream to me, when you proclaimed what we had in between was almost like "classroom romance"

For once I didn't feel like a stranger to you what I thought, while I begged divinity hoping I wouldn't blow this chance

And as the days passed by,  I realised what I had been feeling for you for so long

I was craving for your endearment, for some reason I thought it was a sin cause it felt so wrong

You left me un-noticed time and again but it only made me think about you in ways I shouldn't have

I wanted to be dominated by you, it was your affection that I longed for as the glaciers in my mind calved

For now that I have a medicated mind as I write,  I feel that these pills got me feeling a certain way about you

You once said they made me seem "agitated", but what could I even do it was you standing under the sky so blue

POEM 2

Physical affection or lust you would say is one of the seven deadly sins

But for me to wake up next to you, feels so mellow that I'd rather trade it with our lies & skins

You feel like a sudden breeze that just passed by me in the warm light of soft spring

You make me feel a sudden touch inside me wondering if it was something or just a fling.

The bells in churches ring, and I feel like an Atheist looking for GOD in you

cause I would rather worship you than feel so lost in this world of hate & despise that ain't new

You are a perfect example of people who are chaotically beautiful due to your absolutism

that you make my evil wicked mind, innocent who once lost the touch of cynicism

Why is it that you are the first thought in my mind when I wake up in the morning

it's like you are the sun and I am the earth and I am trying to change your light as you are dawning

POEM 3

I'm having a really hard time picturing you with somebody else that's not me

It's like I'm here writing you love songs & lost in

serendipity which is to be

You were like an epiphany lithe with elegance so white & pure

Paradoxically pristine & dulcet you made me feel dismal & unsure

Maybe the way I'm thinking is the reason I'm Silvanas & fucking miserable

In a way or some meeting you was my only regret, and made me vulnerable

I miss the coffee and walking with you at the dawn, but now the two hands clap

The party's over, and I wake up from the dream that is yet to be true from the lost maps

(Although these poems no longer represent what I currently feel, I think they deserve a special part of the internet to reside in that's outside of Rakesh's dms )